Yesterday,in between going to my first same-sex wedding (and hands-down one of the best weddings ever!) and Oh Susanna, Paul and I went to the Mall.
It’s been a while (not for Paul–I had to send him there in the morning to get a gift). (I was busy, OK!!) But I was excited to hear that Abercrombie and Fitch has reappeared there, near the Ice Palace. There was one there, years ago, when Phase II just opened. The old store was fashioned in the whole safari outfitter/imported goods-from-the-colonies thing, remember? And it tanked. Sport Chek is there now. But the chain got rebranded into a frat boy $50 t-shirt kind of place in the late ’90s or so, and so here it is again along with its kid brother, Hollister (down the hall, towards the Bay), which seems to want to be a nightclub with its subdued lighting and really loud music.
And all those T-shirts you’ve all heard about are there! You know, the ones for girls that say, “These (pointing down to breastular area) excuse anything” or one kinda clever (if it weren’t totally awful) that says, “single” one one side, but you can see “taken” screened on the other side. It looks like you’ve turned your “taken” side inside out, basically. And the guys’ ones “What do you mean by “girlfriend”?” and other variations on appreciating the looser specimens of the fair gender. Basically, T-shirts for cheaters. This is the store that made those “Two Wongs Make it White” shirts and “With These (again, toward the tits) I Don’t Need Brains” and child-sized thong underwear.
Speaking of which, I can’t believe its smaller-than-zero sizing! Seriously, there I’m a medium.
So anyhow, we’re there in Hollister and I’m looking at the “I’m a slut!” shirts, and what do I see? A little misfit, sitting in a big untouched pile. Why do the young teases of Edmonton avoid this shirt? It says, “Nerds have big hard drives.” And they don’t want everyone to know that they do nerds. I, on the other hand…
Paul buys me one.